The One Not Chosen
by Miss Shannon
Summary: Why did Lily choose James over Severus?


**The One Not Chosen**

The sky was glowing with the orange light of the setting sun, the leaves whispering in an early evening breeze and the girl's skin was still warm. She lay on her back in the grass in just her skirt and blouse, her black school robes discarded next to her on the ground. Blades of grass were tickling her back where, due to the day's heat, fabric clung to skin. The wind blew red locks of hair away from her face and she arched her back slightly, caught up in the peaceful moment.

Lily Evans, head girl of Hogwarts, knew that she ought to get up and walk back towards the castle to change into her dress robes. Her seven happy years at Hogwarts would come to a close tonight as she was, of late, a graduate. It felt strange to know that she would step out into the world, that her fate was now completely resting in her very own hands. Lily ran her thumb over the reassuringly cold metal of the silver ring that was on her finger. She opened her eyes, blinking against the light of the dying sun and her heart beat a little faster when the tiny diamond caught it and sparkled promisingly.

James' proposal had been just like him. A little clumsy, a little preposterous but full of love and affection. As usual, Sirius and Remus had been in on the conspiracy, guiding her towards the clearing in the Forbidden Forest- a place she had at first refused to visit as it was off bounds for students. In the end she had given in, having taken comfort in the fact that they were technically no longer students. And there James had been, his hair as messy as usual, but clearly an – as usual – futile attempt to tame it had been made. He had been looking so nervous, foot twitching slightly before he had fallen to one knee and asked her to become his wife.

Truth be told, Lily had not been surprised. It was clear from the light in his eyes when he looked at her, that he was completely in love with her. She had smiled, longing to ruffle his hair, but had refrained as she did not want him to feel patronized.

„Of course," she had said, reaching her hand out for him to slide the ring onto her finger as Sirius and Remus had begun to cheer in the background. It had been natural, easy, the sun's heat making them drowsy and happy as they had embraced and kissed.

James was what she needed, Lily knew. He was funny and talkative and also deep when he allowed his true personality to replace the one he took up when in a crowd. He could charm everyone in the room with his open smile and kind ways. Lily felt safe with him, loved and appreciated. He would be a wonderful father to their future children.

Also, he knew how to let go when she wanted time to herself. Almost blindly, he sensed when she wanted to be alone and when she needed company. That talent had always been something she found fascinating about him. His hand felt dry and warm around hers and holding hands with him meant reassurance rather than an attempt at possession.

Essentially, James was the complete opposite of Severus Snape.

She thought of poor Severus with his always slightly greasy hair and second hand clothes. Most people did not notice when he entered a room and few appreciated just how very brillant he was. Severus excelled at every subject but still he could not seem to find the courage to look most people in the eye. He was also always on the edge to the dark side, scowling, muttering and studying the Dark Arts to hide his insecurities. Lily remembered the little boy she had met almost eight years ago. His awkwardness and his oddly warm black eyes. How anyone could have black eyes at all escaped Lily and how they could radiate warmth was even more of a secret. He had been so tender, lying on his back next to her in the grass, his little hand close to hers but never quite touching it. They had been friends and they had discovered the wonders of the magical world together.

But that was over now.

They had grown apart as they had both found that they could not understand the other anymore. Lily often missed her friend, regardless of the fact that he had called her a mudblood. She knew that he had not meant it and she knew that he, too, loved her. However, his love was different from James's. It was oppressive and all-consuming. He did not leave her any room to breathe and held on so firmly to her hand that she always feared he would never let go again. But the worst part was that Lily felt like giving in to it, like diving headfirst into the dangerous depths that were his obsessive feelings for her. Being with him made her forget that he was leaning towards a kind of magic that she detested. Looking into his eyes made her not care about the fact that he was sneering instead of smiling and that his sense of humor included hurting other students. Lily knew for a fact that she would lose herself if she gave in to Severus. It was painful to keep her distance and despite the fact that she loved James, too, it was even painful to imagine being married to another man as Severus had been her confidante for so long.

She got to her feet and reached for her school robes then pushed her hair back and inhaled the spicy summer air for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, she found Severus standing a few yards away in his school robes, too, a book in his hand. Their eyes met in the red light of the sunset and she realized that his dark eyes had immediately spotted the ring on her finger. His lip curled but it was not disgust that she was seeing. She had always been able to read him well and so she was acutely aware of the raging pain behind his disgusted facade.

She wanted to slip the ring off her finger and run towards Severus to put her arms around him but she knew that she wouldn't. She loved James, in a pure and innocent way. And also, Lily loved herself enough to know that she would lose the personality everyone liked her for if she succumbed to the love of Severus.

She swallowed and raised her chin, hoping that he still believed that she was mad at him for calling him a derogatory term two years ago.

She longed to turn back around to see whether he was still watching her, but she didn't. Instead, she walked towards the man she had chosen.

Behind her in the darkness stood the one not chosen, aware of what he had lost but what he would crave. Always.

**A/N**: I am sure that is not what JKR had in mind but I found the idea quite interesting. :-) I would love to hear what you think.

_I am adding this as an afterthought: Some have complained about my characterization of James and I agree with you. The story is from Lily's POV and she is an unreliable narrator, meaning that she is trying to see one man in the most positive light possible while she does the opposite with the other. Why she chose James in canon remains a mystery to me. Any suggestions? :-)_


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